Chocolate and Techno

Bad Photoshop

2012-02-11T23:07:00.000-08:00

I really like how her wrist gets smaller as the weights get smaller.

What is this I don't even.

The Food Network Hates Canada

2012-02-08T13:35:00.000-08:00

So Food Network magazine has a prize drawing for a year's worth of chocolate. All you have to do is guess how many chocolate chips are in a jar. But if you are in Canada, LOOK OUT.

Click to enlarge.

I know that is difficult to read, so let me help you out. If you guess the answer, you win. If two or more people guess the answer, then they have a random drawing from the two or more, and they win. But if a Canadian guesses the answer, they "will be required to correctly answer a mathematical skill-testing question as a condition of receiving the prize."

Food Network to Canada: Screw you, eh.

Moving and Learning and Life

2012-01-26T10:16:00.000-08:00

Apparently we are moving to Colorado and not California. Sorry to throw a curveball at you, foreign stalkers, but that's life.

Basically we were less than 2 weeks away from our CA move date, and neither of us felt particularly good about it. I thought maybe it was just nerves, so I ignored it for a while. But the uneasiness kept getting stronger, so I asked Liebhaber how he felt and he agreed--something was off.. We decided to pray about it and attend the temple hoping for some guidance. It was pretty clear to both of us that CA is not where we need to be, at least not right now.

Liebhaber felt inspired to contact Carmichael Training Systems, a private coaching company, and they offered him an internship. It starts mid-March and goes through July, after which we hope they will offer him a full-time position. We are both very excited about the opportunity, and Colorado Springs will be a fun adventure.

The last few days have been a flurry of changing plans, reorganizing, and starting the whole moving process over again for a different location. It's stressful, sure, but in a much more positive way. I feel good about this move, and I'm excited to make it happen.

In other news, I have been trading personal training for coding lessons with Liebhaber's genius cousin. Since we live on opposite sides of the country, we have been sending each other information in emails. I'm super excited about it, both because I love training people and I love learning new things. I hope she feels as excited as I am, although a part of me thinks I am definitely getting the better deal.

I'll let you know all the cool things I'm learning by hacking into your computer and changing all of your icons to confusing pictures of me. This may not be possible. Hollywood might have me confused. I don't really care.

This is happening, on a desktop near you.

SOPA and PIPA

2012-01-18T09:32:00.000-08:00

Stealing is not good, so it follows that piracy is not good. But you know what else isn't good? Stamping out user freedom on the internet. The internet is by the user, for the user. But if these bills pass, it won't be. And we don't need skynet. Let's strike. Write your representative and tell them you don't approve.

CODE ME

2012-01-17T15:39:00.000-08:00

After graduating college, I've had an itch that's been difficult to scratch. I really like learning things. CLICHE. But it's true. I need to be actively pursuing knowledge or I start to feel not so great about life. Maybe because I'm paranoid that if I don't, I will regress to the IQ status of a mentally handicapped adult. WHO KNOWS.

I've been taking up hobbies and learning new skills to quench this thirst, and the last few months I have been wondering about coding. I'm on the internet a lot, and we are a computer dependent society, so I would like to know a little more about how it all works. I was considering taking a course or buying a book, but being financial strapped, I have resisted.

Then I got an email from my fwend with this link in it. 2012 IS OUR YEAR, PEOPLE. Learn to program or be programmed, etc etc.

Blair turns 3 and I turn 95

2012-01-15T14:56:00.000-08:00

My cat's birthday is January 5th. I usually celebrate by buying her special treats that she refuses to eat. This year I got her expensive ($1.99!) cat food that turned out to be tuna in a sauce. She loved it, but not as much as she loves regular tuna. Next year, I'll know better.

I also bought her some catnip that she had no interest in. I got it out all excited and waved it under her nose and she gave me that special cat look that says, "you are quite possibly the stupidest being on the planet."

So then I put a candle in her food and had a photoshoot. And then she burned her nose trying to sniff the candle. File that one under, "Reasons I am Going to be an Awesome Mother."

And now, 800 cat pictures for your Sunday afternoon fancy.

Terrified of the candle, post burning.

Sophie finished her snicksnacks way too fast.

And now she wants the birthday girl's food.

She really, really wants the birthday girl's food.

Then things got a little weird.

Blair finished and let Sophie eat the rest. And Sophie did eat the rest. After having 2 servings of her own snacks and some of her regular food. The vet told us she is overweight. Can't imagine how that happened. (Before you judge me, internet, she is now on a diet that I am enforcing with an iron fist.)

Blair talking to her friend.

BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR CATS.

That look? She reserves that for me. It's a love/hate relationship. Mostly I love her and she hates me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PUSSPANTS!!!

Cat lady status is at threat level magenta. Thank goodness I married a man that thinks my insanity is cute.

Kaeree's Birthday Present

2012-01-14T15:03:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite peoples in the whole world has a birthday at the end of this month, and I made her an early present.

1990s Jordache jean shorts with a chicken embroidered on the back pocket. The embroidering makes the back pocket useless, unless you count turning heads as a use. OH!

Jean vest with built in name tag.

Read it and weep.

There's a clown on the back. I think it shows sophistication with a dash of whimsy.

And the crowning achievement: a hat that says her name on the top of her head.

Just be warned, if you are friends with me, I will embroidery you confusing outfits and fully expect you to wear them on a regular basis.

Moving

2012-01-08T21:34:00.000-08:00

Searching for housing in another state is mildly terrifying. Granted, I learned my lesson last time, so we have a weekend scheduled to go down and walk through the places I am picking out via the internet. In the meantime, I am working to compile all the information ever on the contenders. The internet search has provided some interesting finds. I had one place I thought was a strong contender. But then I found some reviews, and boy howdy do those tenants have some things to complain about.

I've seen kids walking around with switchblades and guns and there's people fighting in the parking lot all the time!! My husband is gone a lot and I DO NOT feel safe!!! When I take my dog out I HAVE to be on the phone with someone because there's always iffy people walking around.

The landscaping sucks!!! By my building there is absolutely no grass for my dog to go to the bathroom...he goes in dirt and is always sick! I've had people take my stuff out of the dryers if I don't take it out right away.

I've stepped in gum on the walkway 4 times and there's always garbage sitting around.

To this day I still have no AC and my 5 DAY old baby sits in the house sweating and can't sleep. The office refuses to admit they have done anything wrong and that it is simply the process. They show no consideration to the fact that my baby is suffering.

On a daily basis I listen to 3 different radios from 3 different apartments.

Pedophiles, pot heads, loud and violent neighbors, thieves, every problem you can imagine-you've got it here. I simply and honestly would not recommend these apartments to anyone, simply no!

the walkways are slanted and there are cracks all over them.

They claim to have security there, but the only time I would ever see him was when we would smoke a hooka on our porch and within 30 seconds he'd be there asking if it was weed.

This complex has been a gang banger favorite for years. Car thieves steal from here and abandon their stolen cars here. Staff does not undergo a background check. Plenty of criminal records hiding in the proverbial closet.

There are children who like to tear everything up, bang on people's front doors, and jump off of high banisters, which is dangerous, at all times of the day--day or night.

I actually saw someone fall through the stairs. This place is horrible.

If you enjoy being afraid to step outside for fear of being jumped or killed, go ahead and move here.

Woof. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I think maybe we will be standing up the management for our apartment tour date.

Year in Review

2012-01-02T10:48:00.000-08:00

The holidays were fantastic. My brother and his family came home, and my sister came home, and we partied. When my siblings are in town, I pretty much ignore the world because I just want to hang out with them. It is starting to sink in how behind I am on work and everything else, but I don't care, it was totally worth it. In a perfect world, we will all have houses on the same street. Maybe someday.

The star, of course, was this guy.

Uncle Brandon helping Soren chase the kitty cats.

Drooling! We are best friends.

He's so cheeky.

Baby genius plays the piano.

Learning to pet cats nicely. No, she did not scratch or hit him. She just ran away.

ADORABLE!%!#(*$&!#(!!$

He gets confused by me. It's cool.

We went to California for Liebhaber's birthday and spent time with his family. It was great to see them, and we were able to go to Knott's Berry Farm, which was super fun. I haven't been on a roller coaster in a long time. I forgot how much I like them.

Birthday Boy.

I'm a terrible person and shamelessly took this woman's picture in line but SERIOUSLY??? How the eff did you get all of that on your bum, and why have you not realized it yet? Mind you, this was the line to get into the park. So she can't even blame a dirty ride. Uuggghh.

For New Years, Liebhaber and I went to Seattle. We were originally going to NYC but plans changed, and so we flew to Seattle last minute. We meet up with Todd and Ashley for dinner, since they were on the west side visiting her family. Dinner was great, but then we parted ways and the stars misaligned and the rest of the night was garbage. I don't know what happened, Liebhaber doesn't know what happened, but it was crap and I don't want to talk about it. We decided our motto for the night was 2012: we can only go up from here.

The only pic we took before the night imploded. See the glint of promise and life in our eyes? That was extinguished in a few short hours. Lesson(s) learned. At least this is a good picture.

And on that note, let's discuss New Year's Resolutions. Last year's were as follows:
1)Travel more. We have flight benefits back, there are no excuses. CHECK!
2) Be more religious. I need more balance in my life. I need to increase my practice of my own religion. Temple once a month and increase daily scripture study. Let's start with the basics. CHECK! MINUS A MONTH OR TWO...MAYBE CHECK MINUS THEN!
3) No baby in 2011. CHECKITY CHECK!
4) Squat 200 lbs. I did it once last August, and then for no reason stopped lifting for a month and a half. Time to get back on the wagon. I need a bigger butt anyway, so this can help that goal as well. 205 BABY CHECK CHECK!
5) Increase flexibility. I've found my strength inversely affects my flexibility if I'm not careful, and I am a lot stronger than I was a year ago. Which means I need to stretch more. Hurumph. NOPE!
6) Set a date to move out of the Tri-cities and/or actually move. I love working at the gym and being close to my family, but this town is slowly sucking away my will to live. Time to go. CHECK!
7) Become a BodyJam trainer. I'm working on it, and it's going to happen. The question is when. THIS CLOSE! PRESENTER CHECK!
8) Help Liebhaber pick a career path. He has some ideas, but has yet to commit. Time to get it together. CHECK!
9) Stop cursing. I say it every year, and I'm not even confident it's going to happen, BUT! Perhaps I can at least clean it up a titch? It's worth a shot, anyway. HAHAHAHA NOOOOOOOOPE! EFF!
10) ROCK OUT (HAVE FUN). CHECK!

I'm not going to lie, my resolutions/goals for this year are pretty much the same. Just a continuation of last year, I suppose. So just copy/paste that list. And add increases all around. Like, I want to squat 225 instead of 200, I want to keep traveling, increase my faith, I want to read more, I want to add BJ trainer and not just presenter, etc. We are moving to CA at the end of this month, which is equal parts exciting and terrifying. I am ready, but change is always scary.

But if you want to go to the San Diego zoo with me, I am buying a season pass and we have a couch that is pretty comfy. Every free moment I have, I'm going to go look at/talk to the animals. TOTALLY NOT CRAZY.

Papa Bob's Birthday

2011-12-26T13:07:00.000-08:00

My grandpa's birthday is December 23, and my dad's side of the family uses that as our Christmas gathering. We hosted this year, and I decided to make it an actual birthday party with a theme and a cake, since usually it's just a dinner. Which is not a birthday party. If it were my birthday, I would be pissed that it was never treated as a birthday party. So I scoured the internet for ideas and went to work. I thought the decorations and details and food came out nicely, and my grandpa had a good time, which is really all that matters.

The invitations. I made those. From scratch. Feeling pretty good about that, actually.

Le cake. Red Velvet goodness.

Cupcakes. Western style.

Table settings. Oh yeah.

Too legit to quit.

The highlight. I wanted a picture of my grandpa when he was younger on a horse, which apparently my grandma sent to my dad but SOMEBODY never checks their email, so I had to improvise. Here comes midnight photo shop to save the day.

Party people. Yup.

The man of the hour. I love my grandpa times infinity!

Doctor Who??

2011-12-12T22:31:00.000-08:00

I don't know what nerd level this makes me, but I feel like it's getting up there. Unless everyone has conversations with cleverbot late at night about time lords. In that case, carry on.

Mail

2011-12-09T09:23:00.001-08:00

I love getting mail. Seriously, there is nothing better than a random letter or note in my mailbox. Tangent: I am seriously depressed about the partial shutdown of the Postal Service. I get the financial situation and that it's a necessary evil and most things are done online, anyway, but...I like letters.

Por ejemplo, I recieved this in the mail yesterday:

No return address, no explanation, no name. It did have a postal stamp from SLC, so I have my theories about who sent it. But honestly, I don't want to know. It would ruin the mystery.

Babies are parasites. Prove me wrong.

2011-12-05T21:59:00.001-08:00

I found out recently that twins run in my family. And I did some research to see how science explains this, and it turns out there is a gene that creates hyper-ovulation which results in fraternal twins. And the 800 sets of twins in my family are all fraternal, so there is a pretty good chance I have that gene. Especially because it comes from my dad's side, and I'm fairly certain 99.9% of my DNA came from his side. Hello, Christensen love handles.

Anyhoodle, I've been researching twins because I am approaching child bearing age (at least according to every jackass I talk to on the street. when are you having a baby rachael? BITE ME) and am trying to get myself prepared. Especially because I'm not entirely convinced I want one baby, much less two.

TWO. At the same time. Heaven help us all.

My research is not helping with my fears. I give you, Exhibit A:

This chick is 30 some odd week preggers with twins. Now, I don't know this woman, but I cropped off her head just in case, through the power of the interwebs, someone else does. And I congratulate her on being a mom and being beautiful (because her face really was, but I hid it from you creepers) and pregnant and glowing all of that. But can we all pause for a minute and just take that in?

What. the. FRAK.

It goes straight out. WHY DOES IT GO STRAIGHT OUT??!?!?!?!?!

You guys remember Yoshi?

I love Yoshi. Tangent: Super Nintendo is the greatest gaming system OF ALL TIME. Don't argue with me, I will cut you.

But when I look at Preggers McPreggerson, all I see is this:

And it kind of makes me want to die. Pregnancy scares the bejeesus out of me.

To all my pregnant friends: you are beautiful, beautiful women. I will maybe probably join you some day.

Or maybe not.

Nuddy Pants

2011-11-28T10:33:00.001-08:00

YOU GUYS.

Let me tell you a horror story.

So the other day, I was finishing up with some cleaning in my room and about to go take a shower. SophieCat walked by my window, so I rose the blinds and opened the window to try to convince her to come inside. (my room is in the basement, so my window is level with the ground. The cats use it as an alternate entrance all the time. AND I LOVE IT.) She came over and sniffed me and we had a chat and she decided to stay out for a bit, so I closed my window but forgot about the blinds. Then I went to go take a shower.

I get out of le shower, and go into my room and chat with Liebhaber whilst I put on my makeup. Mind you, I have not gotten dressed yet because I am lazy like that. So I am le nekkid. And the blinds are open. But I am not thinking about that. I don't know why, I am just not. Until I look up, out the window.

And see my creepy neighbor. Staring. At me. Le nekkid.

And he is smiling.

And he doesn't look away.

GROSS.

Naturally I freak out and tuck and roll onto the floor and start screaming at Liebhaber to shut the blinds. Which he does, but Creeper McGee already got a good show, and who knows how long he was looking. BARF. I was stupid to forgot to close the blinds, but he could have looked away. He should have looked away. And may I point out that my window is level with the ground, so to see in it you have to stand at a pretty deliberate angle. WHY DID HE HAVE TO LEER AT ME AND NOT LOOK AWAY AND THEN GRIN AT ME LIKE A MOLESTER WHEN I CAUGHT HIM???

I haven't seen him since, but he is outside a lot and makes creepy conversation with me when I get home because I park on his side of the house. So it is only a matter of time. He's always given me the heeby jeebies, and now he is stage 5 rapist in my mind.

I sleep with a hunting knife within arm's reach now. And it's on my bucket list to get in a for reals fight and win. So he better watch himself. Spread the word.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T18:57:00.001-08:00

And now, the yearly photo essay on thankfulness.


Being in love with this guy. (and taking fabulous trips)

Being one of these guys.

Skyping with these guys.

Snuggling this chick (even though she is terrible and pees on everything I'M GONNA KILL HER after I take a nap with her of course)

BABY BROVA (this guy).

Working for these guys.

And being blessed with health, happiness, friends, a bright future, and a million other things. I couldn't find any pictures to represent everything I am thankful for, so instead I drew this with MS paint:

I am a very lucky girl. Happy Thanksgiving!

KITTY CATS NOOOOO!!!

2011-11-12T21:20:00.001-08:00

Went to get the mail today, saw this sign:

I'm slightly confused how you can have this much detail about a criminal and still have no idea who they are. And I tried to call the number but have played phone tag with the old couple who posted the sign for about a week now. I just hope they are crazy old people and this isn't actually going on. Because if it is? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD??!?!?!?!

Dieting

2011-11-10T22:17:00.001-08:00

Maybe it's because I am not currently allowing myself to eat cake (seriously it's a problem) so I just notice food related comments more, but I feel like everyone I know is on a crazy diet. Paleo, Weight Watchers, cutting out sugar, going gluten free, only eating organic, and on and on and on. I don't know why, but it is seriously irritating me.

Look, I realize educating yourself about proper nutrition is important, and learning what foods to eat and when is good, too. We can't go around eating anything and everything all the time. I put my clients on a food logging system to help them learn just that. But I feel like most, if not all, diets are far too extreme. Let's all do ourselves a favor and learn to eat whole foods, in proper portions, and leave it at that. Throw in a daily workout and you'll be set. I hate fad diets. I hate when people cut out entire food groups. I hate how quickly the masses jump on the crazy food train. Our bodies were not meant to live that way. Please stop it.

In fact? I'm eating cake. Right now. To prove a point.* You people are all crazy. I raise my cake plate to you, you fools.

*Also because cake is delicious.

I Just Want to Eat Cake....and also DANCE

2011-11-08T23:09:00.000-08:00

I have been on a "diet" for a day and a half (really all it consists of is not eating cake) (seriously, that is all I am not allowed to eat) (but I just made a red velvet cake yesterday so it is very difficult to abstain) and I HATE IT. I swore off dieting in college after a few years of self loathing because I realized that #1 my self worth is not dictated by my physical appearance and #2 I like food way more than six pack abs, so....

But I got a call on Monday that I will be a part of a promotional photoshoot for my job, and I work in the fitness industry, so naturally I thought I would try to eat clean for a week so that I don't look bloated or whatever. I have lasted a day and a half. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Don't have much else to say. I was going to blog some philosphical thoughts on life that I have been having lately, but when I typed them out they just sounded stupid. Time for bed I guess.

And by bed, of course I mean dancing alone in my room to Robyn until Liebhaber gets home from work.

This is Halloween

2011-10-31T23:33:00.000-07:00

I made my costume this year, and it turned out so sick. I was Babydoll from Sucker Punch. Liebhaber was Doctor Who #11. Lil sisser was Cheetarah. SUCCESS. Also, for the church party I toned it down for the children and went as Amy Pond, the Doctor's companion. And now, le fotos.

Gotta love $9 wigs.

GET IT AMY POND. LE SEXI. (in church) (no shame) (or dignity)

And then we found a little space man and we could not let this nerd opportunity go to waste. If you don't get it yet, go watch Dr. Who before the hipsters ruin it for everyone.

Jill's birthday party in UT wiv sissafriend. CHEETARAH. We went from zero to costume in approx. 3 hours.

Sup, Dr.

Sonic screwdriven.

BABYDOLL! You have to look at 800 pictures of this because I FRIGGIN MADE IT.

I am quite proud.

Now I can go to comic con.

And not be scorned by the basement dwellers.

CAN'T WAIT.

I still need a sword holder...but I can whip that up in an afternoon.

Yay halloween!

Until next year.

Books

2011-10-31T09:12:00.000-07:00

I read some more books this month. I am realizing how much YA I read, and considering reading something a little more adult. Maybe next month.

Great book about Germany and Nazis and an interesting little girl. Sad ending, but a good read. Highly recommend.

3rd book in the Maze Runner Trilogy. DISAPPOINTMENT. Definitely one of those books that had a lot of potential, but just went feh...and then ended. Booooo.

Love this author, and while this book feels exactly like her other series, I don't really care. It's funny and light and that's what I want when I read to escape everyday life. So there.

Halloween Art

2011-10-27T14:30:00.000-07:00

My artistic talents just keep getting better and better.

Memphis in September

2011-10-24T23:11:00.000-07:00

I completely forgot to write about my most recent Memphis visit. I went and visited this baby boy. HE IS A DREAM.

He is getting so big and I love to visit my brova and sister from another mister. I refuse to apologize for the vast amounts of baby pictures I took. Feast your eyes on this baby sampler:

Waken me up to play with his new toy from gma.

He really really loves running water.

CONFUSION.

He is was learning to crawl. Currently he is learning to stand/walk. Growin up so fast!

We are pretty much best friends.

He really loves cars. Born that way, baby.

LOVES them.

I could spend a fortune on baby adult clothes. I really could.

And then there was this part where I had to feed him a banana. Words are not strong enough to describe my hate for bananas.

It made us both uncomfortable.

Bought him this whale thing that squirted water. HE LOVED IT.

When babies attack!

He drools way more than is necessary.

SO CUTE.

Till next time, my slobbery friend.

Self Reliance

2011-10-24T22:49:00.000-07:00

I was chatting with Liebhaber the other day while we were running errands, and in the middle of the conversation I had a thought: what would we do if the zombie apocalypse broke out RIGHT. NOW.

After a bit of discussion, we both agreed we would go to my grandparent's house. They live on a farm in Mattawa (mattawhat? EXACTLY) about an hour away. First, we'd run by our house, grab some essentials and the cats, and head out. We would take the back way, of course, to avoid major highways that are sure to get congested. Their house is quite large, so there is more than enough room for us and my parental unit. There is pretty much no one living in Mattawa, so the chances of infected zombies attacking are low. Plus the few that did, we could fight off. My aunt and uncle live about 5 minutes away on their own farm, and they have a TON of guns. I am not exaggerating when I say they put most hunting loving rednecks to shame. So it would be a while before we ran out of weapons and ammunition. Also, they are living on a farm, so we have food. They have wells, so we have water. And if somehow it gets bad, g-pappy has his very own airplane we can escape in.

Took these a few years ago on Christmas. The backyard.

Just screaming to be a part of a zombie movie.

Front yard. It's great because you can see the zombies coming from, quite literally, a mile away, and then you just pick them off with your shotgun.

PERFECTION.

Forget self breast exams, October is Zombie Awareness month. What, pray tell, is your escape plan?

The Vest of Liebhaber

2011-10-10T17:39:00.000-07:00

Sewed my husband man a vest. It was surprisingly easy. Except for the button holes, which should have been the easiest part. Freya got possessed and went nuts and I had to pick out the same hole like 4 times. OH FREYA, YOU CRAZY.

It's brown. For fall.

Just goofin. New vest goofin.

Then that happened.

He is pretty much THE SEXIEST.

Haunted Houses

2011-10-06T23:18:00.000-07:00

A haunted house in Niagara Falls, Canada has a part where they scare you and then take your picture and then put it on flickr. Probably the greatest idea a haunted house has ever had.

Listen, I get scared alone in my basement in the middle of the day, so I totally identify with these people. That doesn't mean I can't laugh hysterically at their pictures.

A sampling:

Keep up the good work, Canada.

One of Those Days

2011-10-05T22:15:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days. Woke up to a 15 degree temperature drop, rain, and clouds. Argued with Liebhaber over who knows what. Fought with the tire store about not ripping me off (I CAME IN FOR 2 TIRES, NOT 4. you can't just put them on my car and expect me to pay for them without asking. not cool, guys). Went to my sewing dealer and got chewed out and belittled by a racist old lady (first she told me I was cheap and that I buy TERRIBLE thread, then she told me to check every spool and not buy any made in mexico because MEXICANS made them*knowing look* uuhhh wtf?). Drove some kids home from school for a friend and witnessed a most terrifying child meltdown that very nearly resulted in a car crash (I'm pretty sure my child bearing years have been pushed back another 10 after today's car ride). It felt like everywhere I turned, I was getting yelled at. Just a very not great day.

But then, I got to teach BodyFlow and BodyJam, and if those 2 don't cheer you right up, then I can't help ya. Yay for exercise and good music.

In other news, because I kind of hate talking on the phone, I have been sending my friends random unsolicited emails updating them on my life and asking for updates on theirs. No one has responded yet. I do not know how to take this. Maybe I don't have their most current email addresses? Or something?

*smile fades to frown, shakes head, slowly looks down into lap*

BWAH BWAH.

RUNNING

2011-09-30T23:28:00.000-07:00

Liebhaber ran a half marathon last week without telling anyone about it and won it.What is this I don't even.

I don't actually have anything else to share. Probably could of just sent that one out on twitter. Next time.

GRE and Reading Material

2011-09-28T12:47:00.000-07:00

I'm taking the GRE tomorrow. I think it's going to be not pretty. The more I study, the dumber I feel, so...I guess I can always retake it?

Whatever, it's not like I will ever be able to afford grad school. I guess it doesn't matter then. EXCEPT THAT IT DOES.

The math section is fine, and I'm a decent writer (or maybe not, see: this blog) but the vocabulary. Oh, the vocabulary! I come from a science/math background, I don't use fancy words (see also: this blog). And I am pretty sure that 80% of the words on the practice tests are made up. I have been studying flash cards, but it's not like I can learn every ridiculous word they are going to put on the test. I feel a little hopeless about that section. Hopefully my grad programs will agree that the study of biomechanics doesn't necessitate flowery language.

In other news, here are some books I read this month. My choice of reading material may explain why my vocabulary is so limited. WHATEVER.

Everybody's doing it. So I did it. I liked it, but I am confused why so many people are obsessed with it. Oh well.

YA book about a girl's suicide. Dark topic but pretty entertaining read because it was written like a mystery. And I am always down for a YA book.

Post of Nothing

2011-09-20T23:49:00.000-07:00

I don't really have much exciting to say. Life continues on in the same monotony: exercise, train, work, teach, sew, bake, study, cook, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I'm getting anxious again. Not in the pop a pill way, (I am fully against prescription medication of almost every kind. Did you know that prescription meds are killing more of us than traffic accidents now? Yeah. Get off your pills and deal with your shit.) but in the I need to do something different way. Not that I'm unhappy. I just need to be moving forward or I get crazy. And I feel a titch stagnant. Again.

I really want to move. I'm hoping for November. Please please please.

Until then, I will fill my days with the same old monotony and hope it keeps me occupied. At least my monotony is really enjoyable.

I feel like this post needs something else. Here's not one, but TWO cat pictures. YOU ARE SO WELCOME.

Blair sneezing.

Sophie curling her paws. She does this a lot. That is, when she is not trying to kill you.

Alice Dress

2011-09-04T23:38:00.000-07:00

So I finally had a photoshoot with my Alice dress. I'm really happy with how the dress came out, especially because it was a fairly difficult pattern and it's only like the 4th thing I've sewn. High five for America!

It only looks kind of costume-y. And the truth is I don't mind costumes as casual wear at all, so there.

Blue steel.

YAY FOR FOTOSHOOTS

Le back.


Had to do it. No apologies

My next project is an actual costume for Halloween. Hello, Baby Doll. I'm still trying to find an appropriate pattern. I will keep you updated.

Sibrings

2011-09-03T12:52:00.000-07:00

Today I miss my siblings. Kelsey is gone to college and Scott is in Brazil and Todd is in Memphis and it's the first time in a long time I haven't had at least one of them living by me. It sucks, because my siblings are my bestest friends.

Especially when I find things like this and I just want to laugh about it with someone:

I heard the ice cream man today and it made me miss Scottie Boy soso much. Because one summer, when we were quite bored, we downloaded the ice cream man song onto our ipods. The tune to, "Do You Ears Hang Low?" You know the one. And then we drove around the neighborhood real slow like, blaring it at full blast.

Miss that bowlcut.

We also had PA systems in our cars with a speaker under the hood. Like the popo has. For different reasons, of course. Don't ask questions.

Anyway, blaring that song and watching the children bolt out of their houses so excited only to see us cackling at them and slowly driving away was probably one of the funniest things I have ever done.

I'm going to hell.

UPDATE: I didn't even realize we had video footage. It's just of the test run, but it gives you an idea of how loud it was. And how awesome.

Fall

2011-08-31T16:08:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to say it: I'm pissed off that fall is here. It's the last day of August and it's freezing outside. Summer was like 6 weeks long. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Fall. But it also means Winter is that much closer. Which means darkness and cold and hell are that much closer. And I am supposed to be moving in the Fall, and I am nowhere near that goal. 1st world problems.

On a semi-related note, I checked my bank account and was only mildly surprised to see I had no money in it. How do people live as adults? I am not currently paying rent, or for a car, or for my cell phone, and only occasionally for groceries, and yet...where the eff is all my money going? My bank records show lots of it went to Liebhaber's 2 hospital visits, and to Les Mills related purchases, and the rest was on food. I don't know how we are going to live on our own. I just...what is this I don't even.

Anyone can send me a million dollars whenever they feel like it. Just throwin that out there.

Summit and Mega Q

2011-08-29T15:55:00.000-07:00

Just got back from the US LMI Summit and Mega Quarterly in Dallas, TX. HOLY CRAPOLY. It was amazing, I learned a ton and was challenged and it was really just straight up fantastic all around. But honestly I won't go into details because most of you who read this don't know much about Les Mills and won't appreciate the details. But you know what? You will know about them. Soon.

I was able to shadow in the Quarterly in both Pump classes, Sh'Bam, Jam, and Flow. It was an incredible experience and I came out of it with a promotion in the company. HIGH FIVING A MILLION ANGELS. (I would like to point out that originally I had written "high fiving a million asians" and I think maybe I like that saying better. I'm going to start using it.) A very successful week, if I do say so myself.

A sampling of photos:

BODYCOMBAT on Sat. Huge class. Just huge.

Kayla & I in the first BP class. Satellite stage represent!

Hundreds of people. They quoted approx 800 or so in this class. So sick.

SH'BAM! Super fun.

Just chattin up Jackie Mills, NBD.

BodyFlow.

Eff yeah bow pose.

Mama and Jackie and I.

I am in the front, furthest to the right, and I am matching the men's weight in the back track. AH TANK YOU.

POSE.

BODYJAM team--the most ridiculous class EVER. Video on my fb page, I can't even explain to you how amazing it was.

Group hug! Loved it.

The Liebs

2011-08-23T22:56:00.000-07:00

Last Friday Liebhaber randomly announced to me that he was doing a duathlon. Ok, I said, sounds fun, when is it? Oh, today, he said. So I went down to the park to watch him

He pretty much almost drowned.

Getting out of the river.

SUP SEXY HOW YOU DOIN

Shoes on, off to the races. Again.

He went the wrong way and had to come back to cross over the magic black tarp thingy. The race organizers nearly died when he did it. It was great!

Here he comes! That running outline. No, the other one. Yup that's him. I'm a great photographer!

1ST IS THE WORST 2ND IS THE BEST.

Chatting up other competitors.

Making friends.

NUMBA TWO NUMBA TWO!

Spock would be proud.

I love that my husband can decide to join an athletic event 2 minutes before it begins and come in second. Although, he wants you to know that the only reason he didn't win is because his swim time was the 33rd fastest. Aka not great. He runs very fast. Just so you know.

Sewing

2011-08-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

Welp, I'm 80 years old.

I bought my beautiful sewing machine about 2 months ago, and I LOVE HER. It was a big investment, but Liebhaber and I discussed it and felt that it will be worth it. I plan to use it a lot and I will very likely only ever own one sewing machine for the rest of my life, so it made sense to spend a little more to make sure she lasts and does what I need her to.

I researched which machines were good ones, and it came down to a Bernina and a Husqvarna Viking. They do pretty much the same thing, but the Viking has a longer sewing arm, which I liked, and it fit together nicely with a little compartment for notions and things. Also? It was just sexier. I ended up getting the Designer Topaz 20, which has an embroidery attachment.

I named her Freya because she is a Viking and I have Danish heritage and, well, Freya rides in a chariot pulled by cats. It felt right.

The first thing I did with it was make my Alice dress. Pictures still coming on that one. Then, a few weeks ago, I went in to my dealer to figure out how to embroider. Turns out it's pretty easy with Freya. I more or less press a button and WHAMMY embroidered.

My first embroidery project was some burp rags (SO GLAMOROUS) for my pregnant friends, which I seem to have a lot of lately. Still barren wombing it up in herr, though, don't be alarmed.

For a baby boy, obviously. With a sailboat and some onomatopoeia to boot.

Yeah this was the first one I did and WOOF it was rough. First off, Lyon is her maiden name. MY BAD. Second, the bicycles? Not a great idea. But I kept it as is and sent it to her because it is so typical of things I do. Kind of insane and crappy but also awesome. At least, that is what I like to think.

For a baby girl. Slightly off centered. Don't judge me.

The decorative stitching was better on this one.

Pretty! Now puke on it, baby.

More baby boy themes. You can see by the size changes that I did not use a pattern. Yup, I have mad skills. (no I don't)

Some people seem confused as to why I decided to take up sewing. These people at church who have known me since I was a wee lass told me yesterday that it was weird. I don't really know what to say to that. Other than maybe showing you my most favorite finger, but that is inappropriate for church. So I'll just say if you say crap at me I will not sew you NOTHING.

Love you Freya. Yeah get it guurrrlll.

2 Years

2011-08-15T10:12:00.000-07:00

Anniversary numba due. Weird.

Liebhaber and I spent the last week in DC at his cousin's wedding. It was lovely; I really love his extended family. They are all so loving and accepting and just flat out fun to be around. It was a really great few days.

Midnight visit to the Mall.

Honest Abe.

Saucy pants.

This is the extent of our visit to DC. We need to come back and do it right.

DC Temple. Absolutely gorgeous.

Found this guy at the reception. Told him to take a letter to HP for me.

My favorite? Kickin it old school with grandma Alice. She is a BAMF.

Water gun killa.

After the wedding, the Liebs went home and I flew to Twin Falls to do a BP training. I loved it, I love my job and am always inspired by how hard people work and how much change can be made in just 3 days. Les Mills is a fantastic company and I am so blessed to be able to be a part of it.

I came home last night, which was our anniversary, exhausted and just ready to finally be home. Liebhaber surprised me with balloons, candy, a great card with otters on it, and a freaking CAKE. He truly is the greatest man alive. I can't believe it's already been 2 years, and am so looking forward to the next 2 million.

Chocolate is key. He knows me well.

I don't know how people take beautiful pictures of food. Mine always come out like this. But I can assure you, this cake is delicious. That is why it is nearly gone, less than 24 hours after being baked.

My gift to him? Well, running with the themes of anniversaries, and number two being cotton, I am sewing him a dress vest and two bowties. I also printed off like 500 pictures (quite literally), starting with when we met, and put them into photo albums. As much as I love our digital world, there is just something about flipping through a photo album that I don't want to let go.

Whatever it is, it's probably the same reason that I will never, EVER own a kindle. I like books.

Anyways, yay for love and for my great husband. There are people who really thought I would never get married. I may have been one of them. Here's to proving everyone wrong, for the rest of our lives.

July Books

2011-08-13T11:45:00.000-07:00

Ok so I didn't actually finish a book in July. MY BAD.

I am in the middle of reading 2, though. One is a book on marital intimacy and another is a book about animals. Probably two of my favorite things. Not at the same time, though. Yikes.

However, I don't want to claim to have read them until I finish them, so...I won't tell you what they are just yet.

So I guess by that count I didn't read any books in July. Not cover to cover at least. Unless you count the Rome guidebook, which I don't.

But I have already read 3 in August, so let me share those.

A book about a cat that lives in a library. Couldn't be more perfect for me. Best part is, I read it on a plane while wearing a cat shirt, and the stewardess started talking to me about cats, and I couldn't figure out why she was. Then I looked at my book. And then down at my shirt. And then I got a little bit embarrassed. But not enough to stop wearing shirts with cats on them or reading books about cats. Final grade? A+.

One of those books that everyone is like, "OMG IT'S SUCH A GREAT BOOK!! BLAH BLAH BLAH PRETENTIOUS PRETENTIOUS YOU HAVE TO READ IT!!!" And then I read it and I was like uhhh no thanks. SPOILER ALERT: he gets molested by the aunt he loves the most. THE END. Look, I read to escape the horrible parts of life, not revel in them. Fine with me if that's what you're into, but I am not. See: Dewey the Library Cat. Final grade? D-.

I absolutely positively love teen fiction, and I absolutely positively love fantasy, and I absolutely positively love creepy things, and I absolutely positively loved this book. Go read it. Now.

Ackwerd

2011-08-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

So in my Sunday School class full of 3-4 year olds we had a little boy visiting yesterday. I assume he has family in our ward (congregation) because he has been in our class once before, back in Spring, I think. Anywho, he is feral and beats up the other children and has random, inappropriate outbursts and took off sprinting for the door multiple times. During the lesson, he was sitting by the only other boy in a class of 9, and they started fighting. I thought if I ignored it and had Liebhaber shush them, they'd knock it off. Next thing I know, visitor kid stands up, walks over to his frenemy, squats down, then, excruciatingly slowly, he stands up, rubbing his crotchal area all up on this other kid, while making intensely creepy eye contact and breathing heavily through an open mouth.

Slow motion 3 year old humping. At church. I can only imagine it was some instinctual dominance act, trying to be alpha male or something. What to do?

Answer: Laugh hysterically until you cry. There is no other solution.

Momsyth

2011-08-02T16:22:00.000-07:00

One of my best friends has a great mom, and she sent me this link on facebook today.

If you are too lazy to click through, here is what you are missing:

I'm pretty sure I should have been Japanese. Famous paintings with cats photoshopped in? THEY GET ME.

Roma

2011-07-27T16:02:00.000-07:00

This past week Liebhaber and I went on vacation to Rome, Italy. It was AMAZING. Thank you, airport job, for giving us flight benefits and the opportunity to see the world.

I could write an obnoxiously long post detailing every minute of our trip, but I don't want to. Call me if you want the particulars, because I will go on. Here, though, let's keep things short. All those cliches about Italy? How you will fall in love and find yourself and blah blah Eat Pray Love Under the Tuscan Sun etc etc? The stereotypes about Romans and Italians in general? Drive too fast, kind of rude, chain smokers, highly fashionable, beautiful people, hate tourists, make amazing food...

Yeah that's all true.

I put a lot of pictures on facebook (for grandma) (and creepers), so if you want to look through hundreds of photos of me and the Liebs posing awkwardly in front of ruins, please, have at it. If you want more, I've got them. Come over and we will have a 400+ strong slide show.

For now, the highlights:

Torre Argentina: where Julius Caeser was stabbed; now an illegal cat sanctuary with nearly 200 kitties. Aka heaven.

Torre Argentina

Pantheon=beautiful.

Pantheon: one of my favorite sites. Pictures do no justice, you just have to go see it.

Appian Way: one of the oldest streets IN THE WORLD, connects Rome to the South. Also one of the most beautiful.

Liebhaber's fav in ancient Rome. A place for open political forum, according to that guide I was standing near and eavesdropping on.

Temple of Vesta: my fav. I totally would've been one of the Vestal Virgins, they were awesome. Sorry Liebhaber. We can still be friends.

One of my favorite statues. Risen Christ by Michelangelo.

Buffalo mozzarella: DELICIOUS.

Colloseum: classic and 100% not overrated. Again, pictures don't do justice.

Trevi Fountain: one of my other favs. You come around a corner and BAM there it is. Lovely.

Throw it in and insure your return to Rome.

See ya next time, Roma.

What the FRAK

2011-07-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

Alright, Google, let's not get cocky. Changing everything on blogger for Google+, which, from what I can tell, is absolute crap. GET OFF MY LAWN.

I have things to discuss but they all must wait because I need to show you something. I teach sunday school to 3 years olds (SUNBEAMS EFF YEAH) with my husband. I purchased a workbook with coloring pages to assist me in lessons because, honestly? I don't know what the hell to do with children. Most weeks are chaotic and insane and ridiculous and I am surprised as anyone to say I kind of love it.

Except for when they get snot on me. OCD + snot = NONONO. I may have yelled on more than one occasion about germs. Maybe.

So I was looking through my workbook to see what was coming up next in the lessons, and I found some hilariously disturbing things that the kids get to color.

Looks like a normal family. But wait...mom looks funny...

Oh. That's why. Mother = tranny father.

Oh this is a good one. Saying sorry is a good thing to learn.

Nice side strip of emotions you feel when you say sorry. Except....

This chick?

Yup.

Seems harmless at first.

Except for the erotic undertones. And yes, I know you attach it so guy one can give guy two a drink. TWO GUYS, ONE CUP. Just sayin.

This is probably my favorite. First off, it's just silly. Second off, DAT MOUF.

This is all I see.

Do I have the humor of a 12 year old boy? Yes, yes I do. Just don't pretend that you don't, too.

JULIO

2011-07-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

I am so happy summer is finally here. It took way too long. But it's finally hot and it's my favorite month of the year, and I'm not going to spend it complaining. I will fill it with bike rides, geocaching, playing in the yard, travel, swimming, and a celebration of the greatest holiday of the year. You may think I am referencing the 4th. But I am not.

20 days to birthday time. MAN YOUR BATTLE STATIONS.

What did I read in June, you ask?

Not even sure how many times I have read this book. It is a lot, though. If you haven't read HP, you can't be my friend anymore. Read it in preparation for this:

While I prefer the books (hollywood ain't got nuthin' on IMAGINATION), these movies keep getting better and better. You know I'll be at the midnight showing. You know it. Eff yeah Severus Snape GET IT.

Randomly bought on a layover in SNA. Surprisingly hilarious.

Dress Trois

2011-06-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

Finally finished my 3rd sewing experience. This dress has actually been completed for nearly a month, but I wanted to adjust the liner before I really called it done. Behold:

The finished product. Fits like a glove, one of the perks of sewing your own dress.

Post church shot, so a little wrinkly from the Sunbeams. Also, my skin is the same color of my champagne pumps. Huh.

PHOTOSHOP. I can post as many pictures of myself doing the same pose as I want, you shut your mouth.

Now I finally feel ready to tackle the first pattern I had picked out. Hello, Alice in Wonderland. Also? I might be preparing to buy my very own sewing machine. It might be the most expensive thing I have ever bought. I might be alternating between excitement and horror at that thought. Either way, get ready for me to sew you something, because if I go through with it, I will have to use it all the time to feel like it was worth the investment.

Kitty Kat Picture of the Day: PERCHED.

Fantasy Home

2011-06-25T00:28:00.000-07:00

Liebhaber works late again tonight. As I am not feeling the need to do anything particularly productive, and I refuse to sleep like a normal person, I think I shall blog.

Today I realized I have been living with my parents for a full year now. Mixed feelings. I am thankful to them, incredibly so, for their support and generosity and love in opening their home to Liebhaber and I. There wasn't even a question, no awkward conversation about rent or forced timelines, no judging or irritation, just love and open arms. My parents are givers, and their love for my siblings and I is incredible. I am grateful to them for the innumerable things that they do for me, and always will be.

That being said, the itch to get my own space and put down roots is getting stronger every day. I want to move. I want my own space. I want a house that I can call my home.

Recently, I have spent a lot of time thinking about my dream house. I find myself lost in the aisles of home improvement stores, planning out paint schemes and picking out kitchen decor. I realize that being a home owner is a long ways off for me, but that doesn't mean I can't dream. And obsessively plan every detail of said dream home.

Now, posting pictures of luxury homes and then telling you what I love about them and how I am going to diy that in my own home someday feels insanely pretentious, so let me be upfront: I don't know ish about interior design, and most of these are from a google image search. They are pretty, I will never be able to afford them, and when I do own a home, I will rely heavily on my mother's keen eye for design to make it look like the vague, shapeless ideas I have floating in my brain.

Consider yourself disclaimered. Here we go.

I love white. Not really realistic, especially with pets and kids, but still. Sigh.

Walls covered in pictures with mismatching frames. Yes please.

The only place I can really see the white motif working is my master bath.

To die for. I saw a mirrored vanity set at Pier 1 the other day. It was far out of my budget. But it was so pretty I kind of wanted to cry.

Contrast. I. Love. Contrast.

I would love a nursery like this. Unfortunately, Dr. Eyes aka big brova informed me that babies need bright colors and contrast so that their eyesight develops correctly. Dangit.

This could work. Maybe not so much mustard yellow, though.

This is trendy, but I like it. Especially that chandelier. Future spawn: you will not get baby mobiles, but fancy chandeliers! Totally safe. Mama loves you. Shhh go to sleep.

Ok, so I'm very drawn to white. But kitchens should be bright and airy and beautiful! Like this one.

This one is too dark, but the molding and statues and chandeliers are badass.

Fireplace + books galore = home.

If there's anything that comes close to my love of white, it's my love of red accents. The lighting with the red stripe is awesome.

I want some huge art in my home. I would really love an oversized, beautiful picture of Liebhaber and I in our master bedroom. Maybe a shot from our wedding or something. It'll be great. Also, cats.

Totally unrealistic, but wow.

Open shelving is the bomb.com

As much as I love white, this would be absolutely amazing as a living room.

Or a compromise.

I want my public spaces of my house to have a lot of color. They are lived in most, they should be colorful and welcoming.

You have know idea how happy a color coded bookshelf makes my OCD.

This is awesome. The floor, the color, the randomness...probably a good indicator of what my house will actually look like.

So I could probably spend another 4 million hours doing this, but I think you get the gist. Basically, I have a lot of things I like in a home, but they don't really go together. When I get my own house, someone needs to help me figure out the feng shui and whatnot. I will pay you in kisses and giggles. Thank you and goodnight.

Creepy McCreeperson

2011-06-16T16:07:00.000-07:00

I used to think I was the only one who read through her history textbooks and was sidelined by the hotness. But, I am not alone. I am not.

My Daguerreotype Boyfriend
Bangable Dudes in History
F*&$ Yeah History Crushes

Probably still the only one who got hungry in the cadaver lab, though. Do you know that your soleus looks like a pork chop? Or that your pancreas looks like a chicken finger?

Because I do.

Happy Things

2011-06-09T21:04:00.000-07:00

A few things I love right now:

Slow dancing with Liebhaber alone in our room to sad love songs.
Wearing tight skirts and tall shoes.
Wandering through Lowe's planning my fantasy home and pretending it's really going to happen.
Napping in the backyard sun with my cat.
50% off Milka bars at Target.

Sometimes it's the small things that keep me sane.

2011-06-07T23:22:00.000-07:00

My little sister graduated high school and my grandma, aunt, brova, sister in ley, and BABY SOREN came to visit. It was the greatest 4 days I've had in a long while. The last of the visitors left this afternoon and now I am rocking the sackcloth and ashes. I just want to do as the Black Eyed Peas admonish and party every day. Preferably with my familial relations. I don't feel like this is too much to ask.

Some of my favorite pictures from the weekend:

the eye.

I EAT YO FACE.

We are in love and stuff.

the cats did NOT understand the baby.

tiny horse.

proper sized horse. HOLDING THE REINS.

howdy, pardna.

so. effing. cute.

oh hi, lovely kitty cat.

lovelovelove

bff rofl. and whatnot.

Also? I read one book last month. I started another but haven't finished it, so....just the one. I give you:

The Little Prince--Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Absolute delight. Go read it now.

Redboxin

2011-05-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

On Friday I went to redbox to rent another movie, since that's pretty much all Liebhaber can do, so I was returning one and getting another. (Tangent: The Roommate was terrible. Why was I surprised by this?) And there were 2 redbox consoles, and 2 very distinct lines for the aforementioned consoles. So I got in the shorter line and waited my turn, then went ahead and started to return my movie, and this fat lady with a bluetooth who was in the other line, that showed up after I did, starts yelling at me. She's all, "EXCUSE ME!" and at first I didn't realize she was talking to me, so I just kind of kept doing my thang, and she's like, "EXCUSE. ME. Did you really just cut in front of us??" And I look around and I'm like uhh no? There are 2 lines, you are not in my line, I didn't cut in front of anyone, I waited my turn, like everyone else. And she was like, "THERE ARE NOT TWO LINES THERE-IS-ONE-LINE. AND YOU CUT!!!" And there were some people in front of her in her line and they just looked at me like, "We disagree but she is crazy so you're on your own." So I just told her hey, it's redbox, if you feel that strongly about it, you go on ahead and I will wait, but I would like to make it clear that there are 2 consoles and 2 lines and you are not in my line and I got here before you anyway so there was no cutting going on and TECHNICALLY there are people in front of you so if anyone should be throwing a fit, it should be them, but they seem totally fine with the fact that I didn't cut into their line but my line just happened to be faster. And she did not like that at all and she kept yelling at me and huffing and puffing and she looked like an angry dragon, so i just returned my movie and left because what. the. eff.

Sometimes I wonder why angry people take out their aggression on strangers. Whatever is making you soso mad, pretty sure I didn't cause it. And if my alleged line cutting ninja skills really made you that mad, then woof. You need assistance that I cannot give.

Whoa. Just whoa.

SatARTday

2011-05-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

Found this website. Crying because it is all. so. BEAUTIFUL.

The Anguish

Arete

Grotesque

Bam Thwop

Mr. Noodle (i know it's too big, but you just need to take in the details. having taught water aerobics, this is my favorite. IT SPEAKS TO ME.)

Untitled (Seinfield with Nunchaku)

Brave Cone Dog

Pocket Monster

In Heaven

Uncanny Valley

Woolly Norris

Bravo, Mr. Bird.

Convalescence

2011-05-26T13:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a ca-razy week. Monday night, Liebhaber got sicky sick sick. I, being the caring and wonderful wife that I am, told him to shutup and go to bed. When we woke up in the morning, he was having stabbing pains in his right side. Whoops. So we went to the hospital, and they put him immediately into surgery and bye bye appendix. We stayed overnight, and it was like a very classy hotel (no it was not).

High on life.

Then, today I had my wisdom teeth out. It took all of ten minutes and was no big deal, but I was nervous because I have never had anything like that before. I've never even had a cavity. Or broken a bone. Nothing. So I opted for nitrous, but I'm pretty sure it didn't do anything. I was all excited to feel funny and whatnot, but no. Nothing. They probably charged me for it and then just gave me oxygen. Jerks.

A titch of swelling. Just looks like I ate too much thai food.

The local anesthetic did crawl all the way up my face, though. Which made for some HILARIOUS pictures. I can't smile. Or feel my eyes. It's weird.

Trying to smile. Failing.

EXTREME CLOSE UP.

It looks like I'm crying. Which I am, but only from laughing too hard.

Probably my best look.

The cat doesn't want to be my friend because I smell weird. FINE.

So the next few days are about healing, movies, and liquid diets. I live a very cosmopolitan live.

Quite the pair.

Insomnia

2011-05-24T00:04:00.000-07:00

Can't sleep right now due to personal sucktastic reasons, so let's all take our minds off of the proverbial shithole called life (I keep telling myself to stop cursing but today demands it APOLOGIES) and look at something pretty, shall we? Always makes me feel better, at least for a little bit.

I've always loved makeup, and the brighter, the better. Today I discovered Katie Alves and whoa. She is amazing.

Aladdin. Yup.

Amazing details.

Cheetah eyes! She's good.

Ice Castle. Love the detail on the lashes.

Seriously, I love this. I need a party to wear it to.

SO. PRETTY.

The Lion King. Ridiculous.

Nighttime lake scene? Why not!

Nightmare Before Christmas.

Peacock.

She called this bubblegum eyes. I call it WANT.

WANT TIMES DEUX.

"Valentine's Eyes." Beautiful.

Space. Probably my favorite.

She does lips too! I need to befriend her and make her do my makeup all the time.

This Saturday, I have a date with my vanity and makeup drawer. I am so excited.

Friendsies

2011-05-20T22:43:00.000-07:00

I believe I have mentioned this before but here we are again. Rachael doesn't learn from her mistakes well. It has been brought to my attention that I am kind of a crap friend.

I have the best friends in the world, and I love them all with all my heart. Sadly, most of them have moved away from me, so the only contact I have is through the internet and phones.

The problem is, I have a bizarre complex wherein I can't bring myself to call or even text my friends because I am convinced they will be busy and see me calling and be like UGH HER AGAIN??? and ignore my call and never want to talk to me. I don't know where this unfounded fear comes from, but there you go.

It's compounded by the fact that I get home from work late every night, and my weekends are usually spent at work as well, so my free time is limited to 11pm-1am and that is not the most oppurtune time for phone calls. APPARENTLY.

So, my point is, I do not ignore you on purpose. In fact, I don't ignore you at all. I think about you a lot and stalk you on the internet in creative and probably mildly invasive ways. You just don't know I do it. From now on, I will be a better friend. I will call you at weird times and ask you what you ate for lunch. I will text you inappropriate things at 3 am. I may come visit randomly, who knows. Get ready for a lot of Rachael time, e'erbody.

"You" of course meaning my friends that I have outside of cyberspace. To all my readers in Ukraine: you can just disregard this message.

Kim Jong Ketchum

2011-05-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

Evil dictators are a lot less threatening when they are going super saiyan or wielding a pokeball or something.

How much nerdiness did I just expose? Because I will tell you, there is so, so, so much more where that came from.

An Open Letter to Morons

2011-05-16T22:20:00.000-07:00

Here's the deal, people of the interwebs, if you want to have a blog, fine. I have one and I post endless amounts of crap on it that is useful to no one, including me. But if you have the grammar skills of a retarded monkey and you can't spell your own GD name and you confuse your and you're and have never heard of punctuation ever in your entire life THEN CEASE AND DESIST.

The more I read samples of my peers' writing, the more I lose faith in humanity.

Monsoon

2011-05-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

The weather has been bizarre lately. Yes I am posting about the weather. I suggest you move along.

It flash flooded yesterday OUT OF NOWHERE. Hence the flash bit. Liebhaber was, of course, out running somewhere, and I decided to try to go find him because my mom's hysteria convinced me he was going to drown. In running the 5 feet from my front door to my car, I was soaked completely through. In the chaos, I dropped my phone, and the 10 seconds it spent in the water completely destroyed it. (Threw it in a bucket of rice; we'll see what happens.) Enjoy this cinematic masterpiece conveying the drama of the night entitled, "Rain on a Saturday Night."

Also, let's throw in some cat pictures for good measure.

Sand art by Kelsey.

Garbage cat strikes again.

Got what ya came for? GOOD.

Growing Up Sucks Sometimes

2011-05-11T17:52:00.000-07:00

Today I registered for the GRE. I'm sick of whining about it, wishing it was so, letting the logistics get in my way...I'm going to grad school. Hopefully fall 2012, I will be a student again. Woof.

Also today, my dearest motorized friend was deemed DOA.

HOOKER! NOOOOO!!!!

Her transmission is broken, and it would cost double her value to fix it. LAME. So I have to say goodbye. I kind of feel like I'm pulling the plug on someone I adore who happens to be in a coma they will never come out of. Pretty sure it's the same thing, actually. It's the right thing to do, but traumatizing nonetheless.

Actually, no. It's more like an Old Yeller situation. Your faithful dog or horse or car or what-have-you has worked hard it's whole life, and now it's too old and decrepit to be of much use to you. You love it, and it loves you, but you know you have to take it out back and shoot it in the head.

She was my first car. My only car. Lots of memories were made in that silver lovely. So I have decided to do the noble thing and run her into the ground over the next few days, then gut her and sell her to the junkyard for 50 bucks. A hero's farewell, as it were.

I will miss this cramped, yet comfortable view.

In the meantime, I look for a new car. Liebhaber and I discussed it and decided buying something used and cheap that we can make payments on is the best option. That way we don't spend all our savings in one go and we build up some good credit, seeing as we have....none. So, cheers to being an adult I guess.

I'm having mixed feelings about it.

Any car advice would be greatly appreciated. And also probably ignored (I WANT THE BLUE ONE!!! THIS ONE GOES FAST! OH SHINY!!!! etc.).

Big Dog

2011-05-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

Add this to my list of possible Halloween costumes that most people won't understand.

Watch this one first:

Then this one:

HILARIOUS NERDS ARE HILARIOUS.

Safe and Sound

2011-05-03T16:28:00.000-07:00

Found some great bike riding music. Unfortunately, they only have 3 songs for sale. Apparently their album comes out in June. NOT SOON ENOUGH. They kind of sound like Cut Copy, but less....Australian.

Apparently you can download it from their website for free? I went the itunes route, and now I feel like a fool.

Best part is the way I found them was a comedy remix. RIP DC talk. Some days, I love the internet.

April Reading List

2011-04-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

Before we begin, I would like to say that I am squatting 205 again. Huzzah to completing one of my new year's resolutions within the first third of the year. Now even if I don't complete any more, I can feel superior to last year's self. HIGH FIVING A MILLION ANGELS!!

April brought 2 books. They are:

The Scorch Trials--James Dashner

Sequel to The Maze Runner. Or, excuse me, a "companion" to the Maze Runner. Enjoyed it, but pissed off because (SPOILER ALERT) my power couple broke up and it's confusing because maybe it was for real but maybe it was staged and maybe it was set up by a secret government agency but EITHER WAY there was a break up that I am none too happy about.

Packing for Mars--Mary Roach

At this point, it's safe to say I'd switch teams for M. Roach. Loved all her books, and this one was highly entertaining because I LOVE SPACE. Might even become my second TGRAP entry, who knows.

New month, new book. Haven't picked it yet, but I have some great recommendations to choose from. If you have a book you love, feel free to let me in on the secret, and maybe I'll read it. No guarantees.

Royal Wedding

2011-04-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

Didn't stay up to watch the royal festivities, but got the lowdown from the interwebs this morning over my cereal. It looked lovely, and the dress was awesome, although somebody needs to get Lady Kate like 500 sandwiches STAT. But the REAL star of the show was Grace van Cutsem.

Airplanes!

Who is she you ask?

Baby trollin.

Only my new favorite royal. My old favorite royal was King Julian of Madagascar.

What a sweet ki...wait what the...

Amazing.

Thursday Pick Me Up

2011-04-28T15:44:00.000-07:00

Perfection.

Wait, what?

2011-04-26T01:58:00.000-07:00

I am, quite literally, losing my mind. I think it's because of my birth control. Lemme es'plain.

I can't remember things. Like, things that I should easily remember. Usually it's words. I will be going along, talking to someone, carrying the conversation wonderfully like a normal human being above the age of 2, and then I get stumped. I can't think of a word I want to use, and I know what it is that I am trying to say, but the word won't come. If it's a feeling or an adjective of some sort, I just sit there feeling that particular way but not being able to say the word. If it's a noun, I can see a picture of it in my head, but the name is no where to be found. And it's like I can literally feel my brain going UNNNGGGHHH WHERE DID I PUT THAT WORD???? JUST KEEP SHOWING HER THE PICTURE WHILE WE FIGURE THIS OUT, GUYS. CODE ORANGE! SYANPSES, GET YOUR SHIZ TOGETHER!!! OH BALLS WE'RE MELTING DOWN. And my neurons keep firing but they just can't bridge the gap and I have to concentrate to force them to get across it and find the word and it is concerning. And it's rare the word ever comes to me. Usually I resort to a sort of panicked charades while the person I'm talking to slowly backs away whilst phoning security.

Also, I forget things. For example, I sat down at the computer to write this blog post and immediately forgot about it. Took a good 5 minutes of what-am-i-doing inner turmoil to remember. Or at the post office today, I went to mail my passport renewal but found I had somehow forgot my marriage certificate after being psychotic about getting all the proper paperwork into my purse before I left the house. After I awkwardly checked everywhere in the store, the girl told me she could just ring me up and I could drop it in a mailbox later with the proper paperwork. So I paid and went to leave and LOW AND BEHOLD THE CERTIFICATE WAS ON THE COUNTER WHERE I LEFT IT THE ENTIRE TIME. Wtf is wrong with me.

I know you are saying, "Oh this happens to me all the time! Don't freak out about it, you crazy beach, you are fine." And I would agree with you, except this is extremely out of character for me and the frequency of events is quite high and there was a significant increase in them about, oh, 2 years ago.

Which is when I first went on birth control. Huh.

It actually took me a while to put it together. At first I thought maybe I was just stressed about my wedding and so naturally I was forgetting things more. Then I blamed Liebhaber because he is a space cadet and a half and I figured he was rubbing off on me. But then I started to get curious, because it wasn't going away. And it seemed to be getting worse. And now I'm slightly terrified that I have dementia at the ripe old age of 23.

22? 24? I don't actually know how old I am. 2011-1987=24 but it's not my birthday yet so.....23, yup. NAILED IT.

I don't really know if the BC is what's causing it. The side effects (note: at first all I could think of was symptoms and it took me multiple google searches and a full minute of wondering out loud to think of side effects I HAVE A PROBLEM) of my BC are listed on it's official website, but it mentions nothing about memory loss, although the first BC I was on does cause it. But I haven't been on that one for over a year, so....maybe I have a brain tumor, I don't know.

I guess my point is I'm sorry that when we talk I seem mildly retarded but it's because I have a birth control tumor, so humor me and play charades in public without looking ashamed or embarrassed or creeped out while I valiantly try to think of the word "spatula."

Easters

2011-04-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

Went to Memphis to spend Easter with broham and co. It twas a DELIGHT. We went to the zoo and ate a lot and slept and played with Soren. And, new finding on the baby-love-o-meter, I still don't like babies other than Soren. Todd and Ashley had some friends over--who were nice-ish I guess, but let's just say they wouldn't be my friends and leave it at that--and they had a baby and he was just a baby. They kept talking about him and steering the conversation back to him and being all OH LOOK AT WHAT HE JUST DID! *baby is drooling and attempting to eat his own fist* HE IS SO SMART!

Nope. No he is not. Topics of conversation allowed: cats, baby Soren, comedy. Your baby doesn't fall in any of those categories. So shut it.

It was a lovely weekend and I love flying and traveling and need to do it more. Also? Soren makes the best photoshoot companion. He never tells me my ideas are weird and always poses and is down for ANYTHING. I see many hilarious pictures in our future. So with that, I give you:

EASTERS

a photo essay

Soren is the best cuddler.

Holding hands and napping.

Sleeping like his daddy. MUH DADDY I GUESS.

This is a series of Soren at Univ. of Memphis. It should be noted that I was cackling hysterically the whole time, and the student body was not sure how to respond.

San Soren.

LEARNIN SHIZ AS A BABY.

Pride Rock.

In the bush. Euphemism.

Just hanging out.

On a very old bench.

Too cool to care about the large crowd gathering. It was basically a real life edition of Step Up 5: University Edition: Memphis Gotz Movez.

Then I helped cat sit a stranger's cat. I call this one, "Blurry Mania."

CECIL.

Bunny outfit. CUTE OVERLOAD.

We went to the zoo, and this picture pretty much sums it up. .

PC in the panda exhibit.

Liebhaber, you sexy minx.

Then Soren danced for us.

Easter Sunday outfit! Smashing.

Baby feets.

WHO DAT SEXAY MAN?

Famiree foto.

Grandma loves her life right now.

NANTS IGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA!!! (lion king lyrics. LOOK IT UP.)

He loves his insane aunt and the things she makes him do.

BY JOVE, JOLLY GOOD.

Late Night Wonders

2011-04-18T01:36:00.000-07:00

Since Liebhaber has been gone this weekend, I have been staying up late for no reason at all. He usually tells me to go to bed because he thinks he is the boss of me and I usually go to bed with him because there is some cuddling incentive there. However, my affinity for nighttime rules when he is gone. Hence, this awesome microsoft paint project at 1 AM:

Now, you may be thinking, "Wow, this is a new low. She has snapped." And you would not be wrong. Thankfully, my family appreciates both my insanity and cats/babies, so this is a desktop hit at my house. You can keep your semi pornographic shots of your favorite B-list celebrity and your sweeping interchangeable landscapes, my computer home screen will always feature cats and crappy photoshop.

TGRAP ETC.

2011-04-17T10:05:00.000-07:00

My friends started a tumblr where people send in videos of themselves reading aloud. It's weird and awesome. I finally sent in my first submission last night, since Liebhaber has abandoned me and I spend most of the night on the internet anyway, since I'm too afraid of ghosts/breakins/murderers/spiders to sleep alone. You can view my submission here. I'll probably send another one in tonight to make myself seem less creepy, and because Liebhaber still isn't home. Mostly because of that last part, actually.

Since I had to send in a video, I also created a youtube account. I had one a while ago, but forgot the password, so now I have a new one. I've been uploading random videos all morning, so here are a few for your viewing pleasure. Most of them are of animals set the the background music of my own manic laughter. You are not surprised.

Top Hat Monday

2011-04-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

I think it can be generally agreed upon that Mondays are not the greatest day of the week. Let top hat cat make it better.

FRA FRA. I say, jolly good, ol' chap. And whatnot and so on. DELIGHTFUL.

Also?

Dress Deux

2011-04-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

Welp, sewed another one. I am really loving this sewing business. Except for the finishing process. Finishing effing SUCKS. I had to do a blind stitch on the bottom hem of this one and it took nearly 2 hours. And my pinky was seizing (SEIZING!) by the end of it. And I stabbed myself many, many times. But, when I slipped into this fuchsia number, it was all worth it.

I call it the "OHMYGEISHA."

This one is quite tight; it's hard to guess which size to use on patterns since my measurements each fit a different size and the sizes don't seem to truthfully reflect the measurements they correspond to anyway. I went with the smallest size this time, and the top fit lovely but the butt area was impossible (YES! my plan to enlarge my white girl derriere is working!), so I let it out a bit. It's still tight, but if I don't eat before I put it on, it's ok. Small sacrifices. Totally worth it.

Although, wearing a dress today that inhibits my movement almost entirely was not a great choice, because my Sunbeams (3 year olds I teach at church for 2 hours with my husband) were completely FERAL today. Lord of the Flies all up in Primary. During sharing time, all the boys chucked their shoes at the missionaries and then one kid ate a stick of chalk. Then one little girl passed out because she was sick. It was exciting. Thankfully, I was born with a glare Medusa would covet, so I got by more or less with silent stare downs and lots of jaw clenching. And a wonderful husband that did most of the grunt work.

My neighbors probably think I'm an egomaniac because I have weekly photoshoots. Fair enough, as I'm fairly certain they have a basement meth lab and hide dead bodies in their drywall.

Loving the sun shine and the pink shininess.

Liebhaber's favorite pose. DRINK IT UP, LOVE.

My next number will be a gorgeous royal blue lighweight dress for summer. I'll have to wait a bit to get started, though, as my mom is making an epic prom dress for Kelsey this month. She's creating the Mockingjay dress for Hunger Games. It's going to be amazing. I want one. Pics will be posted.

Memphis & Babies

2011-04-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I went to Memphis with the famdamily to meet baby Soren. It was lovely to get away (LOVELY) and see my brova and Ash and meet the baby baby baby, OH, like baby baby baby, NOOOO. I was so relieved to find that I actually liked this kid. I'm not a baby person, which when I say out loud most people either don't believe me or they think I'm Satan, which, well, whatever. I'm not super into babies, so sue me. But I loooove Soren. He is part of my family clan, and he is a delight. And when I held him he would lick my neck and it tickled and he'd make funny noises and I LOVE HIM.

And by the by, my reaction to my nephew sparked the most obnoxious and confusing responses from random people, so allow me to say that 1) no, I don't have baby fever, and 2) please stop being creepy, and finally 3) it is none of your damn business when I procreate so please STEP BACK. Ugh.

Anyhoodle, it was a great weekend and I hope to go back for Easter because we skyped today and he's already like 8 times bigger than 2 weeks ago.

PICTURES OF BABIES FOR YOU!!!

So sweet.

BABY.

With the pillow cat thing I bought for him. I will only purchase him cat themed items.

Making friends.

A binkie attached to a cat. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Just chillin.

Yup. That happened. Unfortunately we were rained out of Graceland. NEXT TIME.

Bless dat baby.

The family! This picture brings me much joy.

Also, I love visiting Mississippi because it is 100% crazy town. We got some more Velvet Cream ice cream, which is the greatest and probably 8 billion calories per bite, and every time I try to order there, they treat me like I'm a moron. But that's because their menu board is written so that only the legally insane can understand it. Exhibit A:

Rhet Tird. I'm sorry, what?

Ah yes, please explain to me what Old-Fashioned Chocolate is because I have never heard of that before, but Rhet Tird? I GOT THIS.

I pronounced it "rhet turd?" As a question. Then "retard." Mississippi hates me.

Limpingtons

2011-04-05T21:42:00.000-07:00

I keep telling myself to post about my last trip to Memphis but each time I start I lose interest. I think I am stage one of emotional instability. I read about it in Dear Abby today. So, it's like a real medical diagnosis and whatnot.

In the meantime, here's a cat video from one of my fav DJs. Proof that awesome people love cats. Warning: a written f bomb. FORGIVE ME.

March Reading

2011-03-31T22:48:00.000-07:00

Update on my reading for the month. I know you have been on the edge of your seats wondering what I've been reading. Three books this round. Getting crazy up in herr.

The Maze Runner--James Dashner

Love me some teen fiction. Similar style to Hunger Games. Enjoyed, especially because the only female in the book shares my physical characteristics. Always a plus.

Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk--David Sedaris

Bizarre but entertaining. Short read, started and finished on a flight to SLC.

Stiff--Mary Roach

My crush on Mary Roach has been well documented. It goes well with my love for cadavers. Great read.

Not sure what this next month will bring, as I have nothing picked out. Suggestions are welcome; every time I go to the bookstore to pick something out without a plan, I get overwhelmed and end up leaving to buy shoes instead.

Want more reading? Go here and have a fabulous day.

Jack My Swag

2011-03-22T22:23:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when your friends are delightful. Forgive my shoddy screen capturing; the minions had the night off.

Porcelian

2011-03-21T22:42:00.000-07:00

I get a lot of crap for being pale. I find it quite confusing. When I was younger, I was incredibly self conscious about my skin tone. Once I hit the age that these things mattered (which was right about 12) I started trying every lotion, cream, spray on, ANYTHING that promised to make me darker. I would lay out for small increments of time each day, hoping that the short exposure would not burn me but magically make me a deep luscious brown that I so wanted. I tried all sorts of tanning beds, professional mystic tan, herbal remedies...pretty much name anything that claims to tan you, I've done it. In fact, I didn't wear shorts in public the entire 3 years of middle school out of fear of what my peers would say to me. True story. I've been every shade of orange you can imagine, and probably every shade of red you can imagine, but never brown. I never found anything that worked. The lotions and spray ons made me break out--sometimes in hives--the tanning beds and sun exposure made me burn and probably gave me cancer, and the herbal remedies just gave me gas.

And then, after a few hard years with horrific self esteem, I got over it.

Honestly, I adore my skin tone now. I think it's beautiful and makes me unique. I don't find it ugly or gross or off putting in any way.

A post workout shot to give you an idea of the magnitude of my paleness. Yes, I match the white couch behind me. Yes, I think it's awesome.

Use the flash and it picks up more pink tone. But you get the idea.

Not many people embrace their paleness, and even fewer people appreciate it in others. Which I think is weird. Why does our society demand that we be tan? Since when was pale skin not only unwanted, but disgusting? Now that I have more or less entered the adult realm, I figured the obnoxious comments would stop. Not so. People love to tell me I am pale. "Whoa, you are really pale. Like, REALLY pale. Maybe you should get some sun." Uh. thanks?

I think the most confusing part is the hostility towards my paleness. Some people's reaction to me in shorts is more or less, "KILL IT WITH FIRE GAAHHH#$*&@(!#$&*!()$!&!!!" Which, I don't know, seems excessive. I always try to explain that first off, I like my skin thank you very much, and second, I am, quite literally, physically unable to tan. And it always dumbfounds me when the assailant refuses to believe me.

"You just aren't trying hard enough." Right, that's it. Thanks for that.

"Have you ever used like a cream or something?" Yeah, like...all of the creams.

"You just need to get some sun, like just a little each day." I actually do, already, get some sun. Every day. So...yup.

"I know the BEST spray on place, let me give you their number." I'd rather not experience the hell of full body hives for 2 weeks ever again, thankyouverymuch.

"Just use a tanning bed!" I'm sorry, I will not inflict myself with cancer. But you carry on. It's natural selection that the dumb ones go first.

And my personal favorite, "Shutup, every one can tan. You're just being cheap." YOU'RE RIGHT.

I don't really know how to reply to people when they feel like that have to attack me for being pale, so I try to use lots of manic laughter and thinly veiled sarcasm in hopes that they will give up and just go away. I think I need to write a book about the plight of the whitest white girl. And call it that. The Plight of the Whitest White Girl: Living in a Basement without Melanin: The Rachael Babiracki Story.

Hey, the cross of the white girl is a large burden to bear, but somebody's got to do it.

LE DRESS!

2011-03-13T23:57:00.000-07:00

I finished my first sewing project! It wasn't too bad, given that every time I hit a snag (sometimes quite literally), I had sensei take over. AKA mom. I only had to pick out one seam like 3 times, which is not bad, I think, and everything else was pretty much a go on the first try. And the fit is pretty good for a first timer. I am excited. I am encouraged. I am enthused. Let's sew some more shiz!

The neckline. Turns out? Curves are hard to sew. But it's only mildly wonky. so A+.

A decent fit with an invisible zipper (not the easiest thing ever). It's hard to make feminine clothes fit my broad shoulders. Curse my viking heritage and love of lifting heavy.

The hem. Not too shabby.

And now? PHOTOSHOOT!

Curse you, rain. Curse you in my blue dress.

AND TURN. Sexy surprise.

Just goofin. New boot goofin.

My next sewing adventure: an elvis suit for baby Soren. Next time I visit, we are going to Graceland, and having a hilarious baby photo shoot. I promise to deliver the goods. STAY TUNED.

Random Saturday Night

2011-03-05T22:30:00.000-08:00

Partied with my grandparents today. They are too cool for school.

We saw The Adjustment Bureau. It was not what I expected, but I still enjoyed it because, well, Matt Damon. There was a scene where he and the chick he was in love with were surrounded and about to get captured or whatever, and then they just looked at each other and were like I LOVE YOU X2 and then made out like caarrrraaazy. I kid you not, I almost started crying (ALMOST) (SHUTUP) because every insane fantasy I have that involves natural disasters or man made disasters or any disaster that would end in my death, I always envision grabbing Liebhaber and just going. to. town. Because if I have to go, that's the way to do it. With a euphemistic bang.

I think I might be a little (or a lot) (or completely) crazy because I really have thought of like, every natural disaster and how to try and escape it. And any time I'm in a car or airplane, I think about it crashing. Also my germaphobia is getting so out of hand. I yelled at Liebhaber about cross contaminating things in the kitchen (but really? don't touch raw meat and then hand me something for the cake I'm baking) and I think my insanity is going to land us in marriage counseling. Either that, or he could just learn to wash his hands.

Can I point out something? What with the Brandon Davies explosion, I have seen a statistic in numerous reputable news publications citing that only 4% of the BYU student population is brought before the Honor Code Office every year. I would like to thank those nameless biznatches that tried to frame me my senior year for giving me the notoriety.

Proof that I am a lesbian and a child molester. Clearly.

I am truly hardcore.

Do you know what an ibex is? YOU DO NOW.

Learning Shiz

2011-03-03T15:40:00.000-08:00

My efforts to become well rounded are slow going, but I think that is a good thing. If I jump into too many new things, I abandon them all. I think that's fairly typical.

The book reading is a good step, although it's not something new. I've always been a big reader; I just haven't made it a priority in the last 6 months or so. Repentance done, reading is back on track.

My first real NEW thing I have started is sewing. I figure I won't be living with my parents too much longer, and while I'm here I might as well use their mad skillz to my advantage. My mother is, quite literally and without exaggeration, an astounding seamstress. She down plays it and most people don't even know she can sew at all (which can be said about a lot of the skills my parents have, which makes them even cooler. they are like ninjas. OF TALENT.). She has sewn all of my formal dresses and all of our Halloween costumes from age -1 and up. These are a few of her creations:

Bridesmaid dress for Todd's wedding. I think she did it in under an hour.

Kelsey's bridesmaid dress for Todd's wedding. Lovely. Also, statue pictures are always funny.

Most everything for Soren's room. Ridiculous.

My senior prom dress, which I rewore so many times on various occasions I almost forgot that was its original use.

MY WEDDING DRESS. Crowning achievement, I must say.

Seriously, that dress is phenomenal. AND SHE MADE IT WITHOUT A PATTERN.

Given I grew up thinking I can ask for anything and my mom could just whip it up, I figured I could handle sewing just about anything. So I picked this pattern:

I've always blurred the lines of costume and casual wear. Alice dress for church anyone?

Then my mom saw it and tried to convince me to do something simpler. I wouldn't give up my Alice dress, but I did buy this number as a starter:

Not in that color pattern because, forgive me, I don't shop at Chico's. But the cut is cute and apparently a better match for my skill level, which is none.

I'll let you know how it goes. I did try this experiment in 9th grade and lasted about 30 minutes with the serger. Hopefully I'm a bit more patient this time around, because I want that Alice dress to be ready for Easter Sunday.

BREAKING NEWS

2011-03-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

After months of intense research, double blind clinical trials, wide spread participant surveys, and the valiant effort of dedicated tasters, I have scientifically ranked holiday specialty candy by delciousness:

1. Easter

2. Christmas

3. Halloween

4. Valentine's Day

5. All others

Nothing trumps egg season. NOTHING.

In other news, I read my book for February. I had to cram it in and actually finished it today, but it still counts.

Spook--Mary Roach

Enjoyed. I found the things science has done in pursuit of proving or disproving life after death to be completely hilarious and, at times, somewhat enlightening.

Books(s) for March may include a third by M. Roach, a Joan Didion and/or P.G. Wodehouse number, or a Dr. Seuss classic. Aim high.

Operation Baby Cat Lover

2011-02-27T14:32:00.000-08:00

My SIL doesn't really like pets, mostly because she has never had one. Our family is big on pets, especially cats, but really we'll take anything that is fuzzy and/or cute. Ash told Todd he can't have pets, but I decided I would make baby Soren love animals, specifically cats, so that she is out numbered and has to relent. BECAUSE THAT'S THE KIND OF CARING PERSON I AM.

Kelsey helped me take the first preemptive strike with a photo shoot. When I go see him in a few weeks, phase one of Operation Baby Cat Lover (BCL) will be in full force. This is going to be awesome.

just chillin with a cheetah.

aaaaaaand pooping his pants.

CATS

2011-02-26T10:32:00.000-08:00

Here are some cat things I found. Did I mention I love cats? Because I do.

Also I love James Franco. Despite the Oscars.

Balance

2011-02-25T17:55:00.000-08:00

In pursuit of more balance, I decided to make a goal of reading at least one new book per month. Not a lofty goal, which is good because it is totally doable and if I go beyond it I get to be smug about how productive I am. Although, given how other things eat up my time, I won't be surprised when all I manage is a picture book on the 31st (or 28th, as it were).

Props to Kollegg for inspiring this particular goal in my balance focus. She has a much more impressive book list that makes me look like a damn fool, but I'll let it slide for the Challenger joke because, man, comedy gold.

I actually read 3 books in January, so I am off to a great start.

You Suck--Christopher Moore

Mildly entertaining at best. I'm over vampires.

It's Kind of a Funny Story--Ned Vizzini

Enjoyable. A bit dark but I found the characters interesante.

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex--Mary Roach

Loved. I'm a huge nerd, so science always wins. And, honestly, who doesn't like sex?

Because I enjoyed Mary Roach's writing style so much, I decided my book for February would be her other book, Stiff. It's about dead bodies. Get excited.

Tangent: I don't use libraries because thinking about what people do with books creeps me out, ie reading whilst pooping. YOU KNOW PEOPLE DO IT. You probably do it, you sick freak. Unfortunately I also worked at Barnes and Noble, so I know their books aren't the cleanest, either, but I'm too cheap to order books online. So when I pick a book, it has to be near the bottom of the pile, but not the last one, and it must appear to be mostly untouched. If I flip through the pages and it seems like someone else has manhandled it, I can't buy it. I probably have OCD.

Don't get me started on how I have to walk on patterned carpet.

Cell Phones and Babies

2011-02-23T22:30:00.000-08:00

I have an archaic cell phone (read: 2 years old) and so when I get sent pictures I have to delete them immediately or it has a nuclear meltdown. Any I want to keep I have to send to my phone account online. Today, BABY SOREN WAS BORN WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY!!!! So I got a lot of photos to my cell, and sent them all to this online account. Then I had to go download them to use them, and I discovered the pictures I have sent to this online account for the last 5 years or so. Let me tell you, there are some gems. A sampling:

Baby Brandon.

My stalker for a good 2 years.

My insane roommate's get skinny for wedding plan.

DQ fail.

Me pretending to be a uterus.

Scottie riding a dirty motorcycle in Miner's.

While my entire family watches.

My retarded cat, stuck in a tree.

Yikes.

RIP Molly.

My old cat and my new cat. And my onesie. LOVES.

Gay innuendos in He Man.

Inappropriate Halloween cookies.

And now, a sampling of baby Soren pictures. I didn't include them all, because some are nekkid ones. I don't deal in kiddie porn. NOT ON MY WATCH.

SO. CUTE.

Mama and her double chinned chunk of joy.

My mama with baby. GRANDMA!

Well Rounded

2011-02-21T22:30:00.000-08:00

For my LMI job I had the pleasure of calling some other trainers and interviewing them about themselves. It was a fun way to get to know more people on the team (since there are like 50 or so of us spread all over the US and Canada, it's hard to get to know everyone) and enjoyable to hear their various answers to the questions we had thought up. The one that really got me thinking was the question, "What active or non active things do you do in your spare time?" aka do you have hobbies?

Being a part of Les Mills, especially at the trainer level, I knew that most of us spend large amounts of time with that part of our lives. To be a trainer, you have to be really good at what you do and that takes a lot of time and dedication. It's a great thing, but lately I have been wondering if for me, it's becoming too much of what I do.

All of the people I interviewed described their hobbies as things that are linked to their jobs--extra training, teaching, working out, etc. (Mine was geocaching, which sadly, I don't do enough of, but at least I tried to pretend I do something else.) Their responses got me thinking about how easy it is to become so focused on one part of your life or yourself that everything else falls away. I've always been taught to balance life, to make sure you spend time with church and work and school and family and friends and sports and whatever else. I've never really had a problem with it before, especially when I was in school. I went to school, had a job, worked out, went to church, always made time for friends, and spent time with family when I could. I think I did a pretty bang of job of balancing shiz, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, now I work in the fitness industry, so one of my hobbies is my job, and my friends don't live by me (the few that do I never see), my family works with me, I'm not in school, and pretty much all I do all day long is gym stuff. This is one of the main reasons I feel so frustrated about my life right now and the direction it is heading. I'm imbalanced. (unbalanced? nonbalanced? sin balance? I just don't know.)

Let it be known that from this day forward, I will do my best to find more balance. I will use what spare time I have to bring more life into my life. Because an unbalanced life is boring as hell, even if you are doing what you love.

Thank you for listening. Faux Philosopher Rachael will go back into her box now.

Lover's Holiday

2011-02-14T09:44:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day! Liebhaber and I didn't officially plan anything this year, since we like to take trips for things and we are going to Memphis later this week to visit Brova and Ashree and Fetus so obvs we couldn't go anywhere today. So we will do something low key tonight, go on a date to Target or something. Cheesy as it is, doesn't really matter what we do, because hanging out with him is enough.

Love a man in uniform.

I hope you have a lovely day full of love. If you hate today (which I never understood--even when I was single I loved it because hello? You get to eat chocolate all day and no one finds it disgusting) here are some non-love related animal comics to cheer you up. Full series can be found here.

Doppelganger

2011-02-12T00:21:00.000-08:00

You know when people are like OH YOU LOOK LIKE SOANDSO MCFAMOUS PERSON and sometimes it's flattering and other times it's not and other times it's like wtf they aren't even the same gender as me???

So some people seem to think I look like some chick off NCIS. First of all, I have never seen the show. I find that all those cop/forensics/murder/hospital shows are all the same: bland and awful. Boring people TV. (Apologies if it's your fav. I'm all for guilty pleasures, and if that's yours, carry on. I spend an alarming amout of time watching QVC. We all have something.)

ANYWAYS I got curious because the other day this old guy (legitimately old, like 75) wouldn't stop telling me how much I remind him of Abby and how cute she is and how cute I am and did I want to have coffee with him and it gave me flashbacks to 'nam, so when I got home I googled her.

REALLY??? Look, she's not ugly, but wtf. She's like 41. And doesn't look like me. Just because my hair is black and my skin is pale does NOT mean we are mirror images. I take offense to that. Especially because of her awful fashion choices that are normally explained away by prepubescent angst. I stopped shopping at Hot Topic when my boobs came in, what's your excuse ABBY? Other than a delusional costuming department, I mean.

By these people's logic, I also look just like:

If only I were so lucky.

Education

2011-01-31T22:32:00.000-08:00

So today I had a moment in which somebody was talking about something fitness related that was total quackery, and I probably should have intervened, but I DIDN'T BECAUSE I WAS TOO TIRED. But when I do things like that--not speak when I probably should have--I can't stop thinking about it because it bugs me that people believe things that are so blatantly false, and I really should have set them straight, and why didn't I anyway, and it consumes my thought process. Eventually, I have to find some alone time to pose my side of the conversation, out loud and with gusto, because that's the type of crazy person I am.

Tonight it was in the shower, and I must say, I made a very convincing and thought provoking arguement.

Then it got me thinking. I am a (fairly?) smart individual, and have a respectable degree in a science field, but I use probably 10% of what I learned at school in my daily life. It's a bit depressing, because the less I think about what I learned at school, the less of it I remember, and eventually it's going to be like I never learned anything at all.

And I started to feel stupid.

And then I read Brandon's cousin's blog, which is highly entertaining but her daily musings are like my best written scholastic essays, aka SHE IS VERY SMART. And again, I felt stupid.

Conclusion: I need to go back to school because the living in real life adult world is making me mildly retarded.

Alternate Conclusion: I should give up on being smart and find a way to get a lot of money (read: sugar daddy) (sorry Liebhaber) (you know I love you very much) so I can prance around in pretty dresses all day because DID YOU SEE THE LATEST EPISODE OF GOSSIP GIRL??!

Not actually from today's episode, but you get the idea. WANT.